PART TWO: RELATIONSHIPS, ROMANCE, AND SEXUALITY
Sorry it took so long to get to part two, but here it is! This guide is mainly about things you need to know and things you need to avoid, not what you should write. With that said, let’s get into it!
Also, I want to add that this post applies to both cis and trans Black girls. Both identities are extremely unprotected and neglected (trans Black girls even more) and this series aims to help alleviate some of the misconceptions that come with the portrayal of the Black girl in media. Thanks!
Relationships
Familial
The big thing to point out in this part is how many Black girls are shown as coming from single parent households usually ran by their mothers. This is fine, but adding to a narrative that is already hugely popular in media helps strengthen one image of a Black family. Try to write a two parent household where the Black girl has a good relationship with both of her parents, or a closer one with her dad. Or write a two parent household where her parents are the same gender. If the Black female character you’re writing is high school aged or younger, then give her the chance to be treated like a kid by her family. Also, give the chance for good sibling relationships. It’d be really cool to see a Black girl with an older or younger sister she’s really close with!
Friendship
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet: positive, uplifting friendships. If her friends are non-Black, don’t let her get sidelined by them. If her friends are boys, don’t let her get sidelined by them either. If your character is shy/introverted, you have to find a way for them to include her in things. If she’s not the main character, then she doesn’t necessarily have to be in the center of things, just actively present like all of the others.
Romance
First off, I want to say if you’re writing a Black girl in a toxic relationship, I want you to really question why. Do a ton of research on the history of how Black girls are portrayed and really repeatedly ask yourself if it’s necessary.
Secondly, this post pretty much outlines things your Black girl’s partner can say and do that wouldn’t necessarily be uplifting for white girls. They can be protective of them, they can compliment them physically, and they can take over responsibilities to alleviate a burden for their partner. As long as it’s not extremely excessive, these would be beneficial when representing romance.
Third, if they are romantically interested in a white person, don’t make them pine after a white person who does not return their feelings. This is pretty self-explanatory. If they are into a white person, especially a white man, there should never be an implication that this person is superior to them and there should never be an implication that this person only likes them because of their race/physical features.
Sexuality
Heterosexual
Being heterosexual in Black culture can be toxic at times. A lot of the time in media Black girls are represented as hypersexual, sexual objects, or fetishes. First and foremost, Black girls are none of those things. There is nothing wrong with being sex positive, but when its taken as a negative thing, that’s when the line has to be drawn.
Black girls being seen hypersexual and sex objects is all over the media. As stated, being sex positive is great! Do you and continue to do whatever makes you happy. There’s a difference between the two: hypersexual - is often linked to a clinical diagnosis that’s used by a mental healthcare professional to describe someone with an extremely frequent or suddenly increased libido; Sex positive - is a movement that promotes and embraces sexuality and sexual expression with an emphasis on safe and consensual sex. In the media Black girls are often portrayed as being hypersexual which isn’t right to use which creates an ugly stereotype. For years (since back during enslavement), Black girls/woman have been seen as the thing to use when you want to slack your lust. Let it be known, that isn’t the case.
Black girls being seen as fetishes is a huge topic. It goes along with the previous paragraph. It’s no secret that some Black men do not desire Black women as one would think. And it’s no secret that white men often joke or talk about sleeping with Black girls because of certain attributes. That’s not okay. It’s not okay for anyone, but it seems like Black girls (and other PoCs) are targeted as the “bucket list” type of thing to do. Black girls are complex and great and shouldn’t be treated like some category for a porno.
Lesbian/Bisexual/Pansexual/Queer
Black WLW are amazing! We need more of them!
It’s not a secret that in Black families that being other isn’t taken lightly. Some Black families are rooted in religion and don’t believe or want their children to be seen as “less” or “different”. Which brings up a whole slew of issues and hardships.
Depending on how Black girls are raised, depends how they adjust (like anyone else). If they grow up in a home where their sexuality is deemed as something bad, they may tend to hide it and not be so open about who they are. It can cause a multitude of problems where they may hate themselves and hate others who are like them because of what they have been told throughout their lives. It may make them lead secret lives or just go along with what their family may want and never be truly happy. Or when they get old enough to ditch their loved ones, they truly become who they’ve always wanted to be by severing ties. It all depends on their personality and how they handle the stress. On the other end of that, being raised in a household where they are treated fairly and lovingly regardless of their sexual orientation will make them prosper. They’ll easily fall into who they want to be sooner rather than later. Regardless, being lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/queer is fine.
Some Black girls who come out as lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/queer may be seen as less than or not “feminine” because they aren’t heterosexual and that isn’t right. Black girls can be however they want to be. They don’t have to follow a stereotype. There’s nothing bad about it even though someone they love/know may speak out about it.
Asexual/Aromantic
Being asexual and/or aromantic is totally fine and normal! But people love to conflate this with desexualization and it can come off that way in writing. Historically, Black girls and women have been desexualized in an effort to strip them of their femininity. I guess the general rule of thumb with this is: if you have an asexual and/or aromantic Black girl, then have another Black girl who is not.
